The Last Legion

Honesty Time: I'm pretty sure I haven't seen this movie all the way through. Even More Honesty Time: I don't care. This movie is awful. God. Awful. I am downright ashamed of Colin Firth and Ben Kingsley, even the kid from Love Actually who ducked and dived his way into our hearts. There is so much wasted talent in this sad attempt to capitalize on interest in ancient Rome. And coming from me, that's harsh. I love ancient Rome, not in an "everything was better back then" kind of way, but more of a "it's important to know where you come from" kind of way. I mean, let's face it--they didn't drink coffee or wear pants. I think we've come a long way.

But in spite of my innate interest in antiquity, I could not bother to sit on the couch and stare at the screen long enough to say I've watched this movie all the way through. And I've watched a LOT of bad movies. I even had the added incentive of knowing that one of the soldiers in the movie had been a student in my Classical Epics class--even then, I could not summon the interest.

Hopefully, I've firmly established how uninteresting this movie is. I feel that it had the potential to be more engaging. I mean, they've got all the stuff! The actors, the action scenes, the legend...but I just found this movie to be a rehashing of what other films have done much better. I don't want to waste time talking about things that I really can't say with much authority (because I saw only part of the movie, and a long time ago at that), but I want to bring up a nagging issue for me: why, oh why, must the only girl in such a film be ogled by both the characters and the audience as a novelty in every arena?

Aishwarya Rai is, admittedly, quite a beauty. But let's think about this: she is the only prominent female character in the movie, and is therefore endlessly on display. Her prowess in battle is unexpected and sexy, her looks and tight-fitting attire get her high marks with all the gentlemen, and...that's about it, looks and skillz. If you've read my review of Troy, you are well aware that I can rant for a long time about feminist issues. I don't want to do that here (man, this is one of the most lackluster reviews I've ever written) but I do want to point out once again that just because we're making a movie about ancient times doesn't mean we also have to espouse the gender stereotypes that existed back then. I suppose the fact that Rai's character is allowed anywhere near a sword is progress, but still...come on. Spartacus is evidence that an ancient story can be re-framed to fit a modern agenda. Surely we could have done some tweaking here, too?

One last thought--I am aware of the double standard that even I repeatedly abuse: men aren't allowed to objectify women, but women can look and hoot all they want. It's unfair, I know. But we don't live in a perfect world, and I think the pendulum may be swinging too far in the other direction. I'll admit, I did let a lot of some catcalls fly at Jacob the first time he took off his shirt in New Moon, but I felt really bad about it! (Also, a little skeezed out that I was howling at a 17-year-old werewolf.) So maybe the answer is: a little is ok if done in good humor? Because, let's face it--we're all thinking it anyway.

P.S. Colin Firth was smokin' in this movie :D

THE BEAST, IT IS TAMED

I've finally done it! I have transformed my dust-infested, stuffed animal-laden, childhood toy receptacle of a room into a bona fide living space for a college grad! And it is mine. All mine. My precioussssss, if you will.

Ironically, the proud and possessive feelings I now have for my room sprung directly from the painful-but necessary-decision to remove all of my LOTR posters. All of them. Because I had more than two. At least I barely escaped getting a cardboard cutout of Aragorn.

Taking down posters has been an odd removal of paradigms. When I was 15, I went angsty and put up all my LOTR posters (because that's what no one else did) and decided to paint every inch of my room the most defiant color I could think of--orange. Yeah. I stand by the color 'cause it actually looks pretty cool, but I even painted the baseboards and the ceiling. I'm gonna have to change that soon. Taking down these posters, and even facing the prospect of repainting part of my ORANGE! room white is a big step for me. Mostly because it involves vacuuming the baseboards. Sigh.

Graduation has had an odd effect on me. It has an odd effect on everyone, I know, but what I've found to be true for me (and, I suspect, for many people) is that this time is not just an inevitable sinking into despair. I'm not working yet, so I've had time for The Scouring of the Chambre and other eternally-delayed tasks. It's an interesting process, mostly because you learn that you don't have to be the person you thought you were anymore. I'm thinking also about the fact that I've never considered myself a science-y person, but here I am listening to Morgan Freeman guide me Through the Wormhole and watching the NatGeo channel on a regular basis! I guess what I'm saying is, you don't have to be the person you were in college after college. I'd always thought college was the time when we Define Ourselves, and it is, but life continues after college. Change continues after college. Growth continues after college. 

In the wise words of one of the most trumped-up characters in LOTR: "There is still hope."